he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
