We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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