i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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