I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
