You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
