I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
