i don't plan on having that self control this summer
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
