My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
