toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please don't give away my fajitas
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