We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
