you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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