I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
