It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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