If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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