You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
