dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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