I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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