the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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