i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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