whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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