she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
