When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
