apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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