Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
