She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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