she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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