the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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