We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
