just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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