so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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