hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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