Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
