Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
