All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
