I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
