i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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