Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
