I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
