if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
