i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Never joke about your clitoris.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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