At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ladies don't puke and tell
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
