I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
