If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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