the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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