i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You ruined the universe
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
