i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
