Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
