mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
