Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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