Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
