I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
