i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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