this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
